A Discourse on Self- Love

By Lord Gilleabart MacGreghor, squire to Lord Morgiest, House Onoir



What is love?

When people are asked this question, they often jump right to the obvious: the romance, the two people in love, breathless passion, need for each other. This is love, true, but it is not all of what love is, nor is it the only definition.



The mother kneeling over her son to kiss his scraped knee “all better.” That is love.



The blacksmith throwing the piece he was working on back in the fire to melt it down and start over, to make it “just right.” That is love.



The woman who walks away from the man who has just tried to use her for one night, with her head held up. That, too, is love.



In the first case, it’s a love of family, similar to the romance we all know of. The second, it’s tied closely with pride. It’s a love of your profession or cause. The third is probably the most important, and that’s what this document speaks of. Love of self.



Self-love is the ability to hold onto our good qualities and strengths even when we are feeling bad about ourselves or something we have done. It is the strength to see our short comings and love ourselves enough to know that we can learn and grow and not to give up on ourselves because we are not perfect, made a mistake or still have some problems. In other words, we are worthy of love even if we are not perfect.



Self-love allows us to care, and through caring we infuse the world with meaning. Caring provides us with stable ambitions and concerns; it shapes the framework of aims and interests within which we lead our lives. The most basic and essential question for a person to raise about the conduct of his or her life is not what he or she should care about but what, in fact, he or she cannot help caring about.



Self-love is an essential element to the ability to feel the other forms of love. If one does not love oneself, that person will find it difficult to feel the caring without question, without doubt, and without, ultimately, resentment.



In a romantic relationship, the person who does not love themselves may mistake lust for love. In profession, they will not be able to deceive themselves. They will find themselves filled with distaste for their work, boredom, and possibly worse. Their work quality, devotion, and loyalty to their profession may suffer.



Those who live by the standards of Onoir are especially affected by the virtue of self-love. Our Code of Honor states: “To be an honorable person is not just to be honest, truthful, and fair; it is also to place a premium on these qualities and the behavior they require.” From valuing these qualities, and following them, one enhances their love of self. They grow to value their own qualities more, creating a cycle of improvement.



The Code also states: “To be an honorable person is not just to do the right thing, nor simply to give moral considerations a central place in our lives. It is also to want to be known and trusted by others - especially by other honorable people - as this sort of person. And honorable people will go to great lengths to maintain these bonds of trust or to re-establish them when they are broken.” When one loves oneself, one finds it important to continue to perform actions that will help them continue to love themselves. This creates a desire to form friendships with those who, like them, hold their form of self love, and due to loyalty, will guide them to see that these friendships continue.



Finally, our code states: “To be honorable is to affirm the importance of moral considerations both in one's own life and conduct and in the life of the community to which we belong. Without the latter we may have many saints and much good behavior, but we do not have honor.” This, in essence, is the main product and component of self-love. To know your own morals, to know yourself, and to see that it is good and important is to be able to say that you love yourself. Likewise, to love yourself for the conduct which enhances the life for those around you as well as for these good morals is to create a desire to work for these high morals.



In conclusion, as shown by Onoir’s Code of Honor, as well as the standards we live by, love of self is an essential ingredient of self-improvement, and by self improvement, we then can achieve our goals of greater Honor and self-worth.